Timing is important, very important (Kellerman, 2010, 165).
Why now? After resisting the desire to be a writer, why should I start writing this blog now? The recognition that other women (and marginalized people) have found writing to be a tool for influencing people helped me to recognize the connection between my many attempts to exercise collaborative leadership and my nagging desire to write.
Authentic leadership emerges from a leader’s lived experience, it is contextual. For the past five years I have felt the impact of my choice to refuse to submit to an abusive religious authority. I made a practical choice, to pursue a legitimate path into spiritual power (to be a professional Minister), a career with a salary and benefits, and that choice led to a dead end.
When the religious hierarchy pushed me out of my positional leadership role as a Pastor, I found myself under-employed and floundering in the depth of the economic crisis of 2009-2010. I had lost my spiritual path, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I still felt called to be a spiritual leader, to be a source of hope for the hopeless and oppressed. There was an abundance of need and I had accumulated experience, education, and the skills to help people who had been displaced by the economic crisis.
The world was shifting — the power and wealth was getting more and more concentrated in the hands of a few. Our elected leaders bailed out the big banks and financial institutions and left the unemployed struggling to pay their mortgages. Nonprofits and religious organizations were reeling from the economic crisis. Foundations cut back their giving. Middle class donors (more generous than the wealthy) were unable to give.
It was a humbling time for me. I was in Oregon and at that time one of five Oregon workers was jobless or underemployed. The religious hierarchy blocked my attempts to create a new ministry to serve those who were displaced by the economic crisis. I had no salary, benefits, or career track. For the first time in my life, I felt like a nobody, so I moved back home to nowhere Montana.
In Montana, I was able to connect with meaningful work as an Executive Director for a couple of nonprofit organizations. However, I was not using my communication gifts. I was not speaking in public or writing, I was mostly an administrator. I was doing what I needed to do to survive, and my continuing commitment to developing egalitarian leaders caused me to search for a connection. I found that connection through the California Institute of Integral Studies — Masters of Arts in Transformative Leadership program.
(Continued in part four).